One thing about addiction that holds true for everyone is that it does not happen in a vacuum; addictions affect family members and loved ones of the one suffering. When someone enters recovery, it unfortunately does not signal an end to the relationship problems brought on by addiction. Instead, it signals a shift in how everyone deals with each other.
When it comes to recovering from an addiction, those in recovery and their family need to learn new ways to communicate. One area that often needs work involves people having a fear of broaching certain topics with each other. Family members who grew accustomed to seeing certain topics of conversation as potential landmines will need help learning how to communicate with their loved one who is in recovery. The person in recovery will also need to learn what healthy communication sounds like. Using “I” statements can help people feel less defensive. For example, instead of saying, “You always do this and I hate it,” a person can try saying, “When you do this, I feel…” and then tell them what their reaction feels like.
In addressing addiction and family, focusing on the present can help with recovery. It can be tempting to focus on things that have happened and dwell on the “what if”. While it is important for those in recovery and their loved ones to take responsibility for past words and deeds, it is equally important to live in the here and now. The person in recovery may feel the temptation to view themselves negatively; they may recall things they did or said in the past but dwelling on the negative will only serve to distract them from the progress and changes they are making. Family members might also find it hard to transition from how their loved one used to behave to the changes exhibited in recovery. Communicating openly can help with this transition. Make a point to acknowledge past transitions but also include everyone’s thoughts on how to leave those in the past. How a person acts and reacts now provides the building blocks for healthy, new relationships post recovery.